Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
