i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sorry about my life...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
