at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
