Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
