So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
