It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
