Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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