everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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