Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
