i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
