It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
