Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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