I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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