Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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