the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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