I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
