Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He felt like a one man threesome
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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