No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
