Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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