I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
