he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
