So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
