i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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