I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
