i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
