so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
