My hand turned me down
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
