I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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