I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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