Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
