1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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