first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
