I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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