Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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