Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
