it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is the high leading the old right now
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
