i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
