The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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