i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
