Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
