HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
