More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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