are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
