Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
