Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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