do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
