Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
