i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
