sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im at strip club and am horny
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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