I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Couch. On fire.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
