He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
