If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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