Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
