In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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