I will die if light touches me.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
