Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
