she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
