i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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