I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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